LIVING WITH WOMEN
 

GENDER EQUALITY

Gender equality is, I think, a popular illusion fostered by both genders with predictably dangerous consequences for either. Men advocating equality piously ignore illusions of male superiority conceived long ago to protect us from difficult facts of life. Women with the same opinions may properly seek to redress historical imbalances in economic and political powers, but risk the self-righteousness inherent in assuming victimhood while ignoring the dangers of their own powers running rampant.

In broadest perspectives the greatest dangers of repressing awareness of natural gender inequalities are: male vulnerability exaggerated when weaknesses are cloaked by illusions of superiority, and female overkill when their own natural advantages are ignored. Macho/cocky males neither carefully protect themselves from rampant female powers nor do they use their slim advantages wisely.  On the other hand, meek/mild females who deny their own natural superiorities risk outward abuse by threatened males while at the same time blindly damaging those they want to love through excessive use of inherent powers.

Facts of gender life as I see them: XX chromosome advantages reflect in an overall power imbalance between males and females in almost all regards except brute physical strength and the ironic temporary advantages of male focus-ability, which is itself rooted in limited capacities for feeling and thinking in the broad senses of these words.

Males do hold the edge over females in capacities for immediate outward dominance, especially in physical ways; but overall female powers remain operative even then in emotional/spiritual ways. Even when men lord it over women outwardly, having the first and loudest word, in relevant inward arenas females generally "have the last word."

When men do not consciously acknowledge these facts, our options are largely limited to playing macho or being wimps--usually an unhealthy combination of both. Only when we recognize the basic power imbalance and move past traditional escapes into cockiness or wimpiness, can we possibly learn to use our limited advantages wisely while otherwise protecting our spiritual selves as best we can.

When women do not let themselves see these same facts of life, their common options are to get caught up in survival by playing weak and dumb, all-too-often falling for their own acts, and then unwittingly and unintentionally hurting the ones they otherwise love. Meaning well, they risk blindly damaging, even killing, the spirits of those males who are most significant to them, namely, lovers, husbands, and sons.

From genetic perspectives, femininity is the primary gender; maleness only evolved as sex entered the scene of reproductive innovations. It was and is the secondary gender, existing mainly for "service" reasons--fertilization and support of femininity which continues to hold major responsibilities and hence powers for continuing the species.

Recognizing these as facts which are quite in contrast to those I "learned" from my culture has been long and difficult. Still I resist seeing them, commonly ignore "knowing what I know," and often live as though they are not true--always, I note in hindsight, to my long term loss if not immediate disadvantage.

When or if I am wiser, I acknowledge, even if reluctantly, our historical male errors of trading in reason for the slim advantages of outward dominance; machoism, even when I succeed in carrying out the act, is never worth its cost in the long run. Better, I have/am learning, to face and accept what I see when I am not blinding myself--namely, natural female superiority in many of the arenas which count most for good living in the here and now, and then to appropriate these facts as best I can in daily life.

In practice these applications include: remaining continually alert to the female edge lest I blindly react in learned ways which I know to be unproductive; choosing times and means of confrontations sensibly rather than by instinct only; accepting female blindness to these facts rather than "trying to make them see" or looking for female affirmation for what I see.

Females, I now see, are often even more in denial of gender inequalities than are males. Perhaps this is because they have for so long been outwardly dominated and have so artfully ingrained playing submissive roles for long range success, that they do presently live better when operating on automatic pilot rather than by conscious sight.

Also I am learning to waste less and less time and energy in judging these facts--that is, in either bemoaning my fate, resenting female advantages, putting down on myself for failures in encounters, or falling into my ancient mode of female idolatry (goddess worship).

This latter trap only became visible to me after I finally worked myself out of the more familiar male mode of substituting gods (or one god) for goddesses. Male gods were created, I came to see, as a logical way of coping with the female facts of life; but the temporary advantages of sky gods over earth goddesses are, I now think, not worth their price.

In summary, the traditional notion of male superiority, reflected in male religions as well as male dominated politics and economics, is, I think, an understandable but costly mode of coping with contrary facts about gender differences. I find that I live better when I let go of these traditional views which are yet held by most males I know and are also generally supported by females who have long-learned to cope through playing weak.

When I recognize and accept, even if reluctantly, that in most all immediate circumstances (outside of war and the jungle) natural female powers, backed by operative memes in nearly all social situations, exceed the limited utility of brute strength even when backed by the advantages of one-track thinking, then I am better off.

Seeing thusly, I can sometimes remain alert to my temptations to self-righteousness, as in, rushing to machoism, or to self-negation, as in, falling back into female idolatry ("adoration"). I can also more quickly catch escapes into sins of judgment, either of them or myself or the facts of the power imbalance itself.  These attentions then free up my conscious mind for thinking more clearly about how to use my limited advantages, my hard-acquired insights, and to discern more sharply among the various "wiles of women" which I have long ignored or been ignorant of.

Some rare times, when I stay accordingly alert and can muster enough nerve to remain a separate attentive person, I even manage to act wisely. Thank God (or Goddess)!


On Gender Equality


The illusion of gender equality is a nice idea, and certainly a step above older errors like male superiority, but yet a long way from the often cloaked yet easily observed truth of female superiority.

Female superiority, as I mean here, is not about betterness, or moral worth, or higher status in the eyes of God. Nor is it meant to imply that man is inferior to woman in any judgmental sense. Rather it refers to greater genetic capacities, social advantages, and personal wisdom, especially about gender and relationships in the world.

As Harry Belefonte sang, "The woman is smarter, the woman is smarter; she's smarter than man in every way"--not only in head sense but also in creaturely capacities.

A man needs to recognize this primary difference, including his gender and social limitations, so as to make wiser use of limited advantages in achieving best possible living conditions under existing circumstances (including his natural servant role in genetic replication). Although unsubstantiated cockiness backed by illusions of male superiority or obsequious submission may each temporarily bring certain male rewards among superior females, basically, for realistic, long term well being, careful use of available-but-limited male advantages is a wiser option.


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