In confronting either of these subjects, the critical issue is pragmatics, not virtue. In spite of social and religious judgments of each (more of the 2nd than the 1st), neither, I think, is inherently wrong or sinful. The relevant issue is practicality rather than sin.

The main thing is honest consciousness ("being aware")--that is, embracing rather than repressing natural desires. Within your own skin, recognize passion (lust) as it naturally arises, and seek pragmatic resolutions.


sexual encounters outside an established relationship

I consider affairs first because this is probably the most common attempt at resolving the noted conflict between sexual desires and sexual dissatisfaction or limitations in an established relationship.


First, move past prevailing negative judgments. There is nothing inherently wrong with having sex with more than one person; but, given existing memes and female needs, affairs are probably the most dangerous and self-defeating of possible resolutions to this common conflict.


There is an inherent conflict between male and female values related to our differing roles in self-replication, namely, between males-as-sperm-spreaders and females-as-baby-makers. Whereas odds of male replication are maximized by having sex as often as possible with as many females as possible, multiple female sex events do little to increase a female's own replication. Indeed, from a genetic standpoint, in a lifetime a female actually only needs to have sex a relatively few times in order to preserve her genetic heritage.

These biological facts are respected, I speculate, in the nature of memes evolved to support what is probably best for both genders in the long run, namely, "family values (affirming fidelity)," religious sins curtailing male freedoms, and perhaps strongest of all, female desires for male possession as their best odds for continued security as needed for successful child rearing.


Skillful masturbation is probably the most feasible male resolution for coping with the disparity in drives for "doing it" between each gender. But this means of sexual satisfaction often requires considerable logistical skills, given powerful negative memes opposing overt sex in any arena--that is, arranging circumstances to maximize personal freedom without jeopardizing "family values (e.g., female value systems, children's knowledge of sex, and other risks in "getting caught"). Specifically, these skills may include hiding pornography, such as, Playboy magazines or internet connections with stimulating images, plus, of course, arranging times for these temporary satisfactions apart from mate and/or family knowledge.


Having protected, impersonal sex with prostitutes, with recognized and accepted compensation for each partner (usually, money for sex) is another potential resolution for the natural gender imbalance in desires to "do it." In such win/win sexual situations, both parties may be equally respected as individuals--that is, no emotional abuse is inherent in such transactions.

However, powerful prevailing memes strongly mitigate against this potentially feasible means of confronting the sexual imbalance in a pragmatic way. Obviously, open prostitution is illegal, as well as strongly condemned by most females who are far more concerned with enforcing a mate's fidelity than in supporting his sexual satisfactions with anyone except herself.

Consequently, in all but the most unusual and protected of circumstances, such as, trips to a foreign country where prostitution is permitted and dangers of "being caught" are minimized, this avenue of sexual satisfaction is extremely risky.


Be sexual with a woman, concealed/revealed in harmony with her embraced ability for overt sexuality; but never look to her for permission or affirmation of your own passions.

Assume and expect that in all genetic likelihood your own male sexual desires will be far greater than her natural female desires, especially for overt sex as distinguished from covert sensuality (e.g., cuddling, being close, etc.).

Unless you are significantly repressed yourself and hence do not satisfy her lesser sexual desires, and she appears to be "more interested in sex" than you are (e.g., blatantly seductive), then suspect that she may be using, even unconsciously, sex for psychological reasons, such as, controlling or dominating you. If so, beware lest you blindly participate in undermining prospects for true sexuality between you.