LIVING WITH WOMEN
 

PARADOX OF SELFISHNESS


    On the surface, at casual glance, it appears that men are basically selfish and women more naturally selfless. Men consistently compete while women typically cooperate. Men help ourselves while women help others, including their selfish men.

Look deeper, however, and a contrary picture may emerge, namely, one in which woman's apparent selflessness with others is underlain by a deeper selfishness which by far exceeds the upper level self-centeredness of typical males.

Also, below obvious male selfishness, one may find slightly cloaked degrees of self-sacrifice which reach even deeper than surface "niceness" of females.

In largest perspectives, past initial appearances, I find that, e.g., females are far better at taking care of themselves than are males who at first appear to "only care about themselves." This difference is easily visible in matters of personal safety, both physical and emotional.

Although risk-taking itself may be a masculine rather than feminine trait, reflecting different gender values of sperm and ova (and we who are born to bear them), most women are also more careful in taking care of bodily needs and pleasures far beyond genetic levels related to ovum rarity in comparison to sperm expend-ability, than are typical males.

The same is true in regard to mental and emotional encounters with men. Even if females outwardly "go along" or appear to be "giving in" (sacrificing self) in matters of lessor concern to them, when push comes to shove, or when their own personal ideas of right and wrong, or even their "feelings" (emotional sense of self) are at stake, seemingly unselfish women typically prevail in most encounters with males.

In common events of everyday life, apart from wars and assorted male competitions, when male values are confronted with female values, e.g., between husband and wife, as in, home living, where money is spent, whose opinions matter most with children, how beds are made and rooms decorated, when and how sex is engaged in and carried out, what food is eaten, what language and dress is acceptable, etc., etc., by far, it seems to me that in typical families, mother has the last word in accord with her own values.

And even though males, especially "good husbands," may selfishly compete in the work world, regularly trying to assert ourselves and our values over others in the workplace, most of these money-making efforts are unselfishly aimed at family support and making purchases, e.g., clothing, jewelry, etc., in an effort to "keep the little woman happy"–that is, to support her personal desires.

Even in unusual situations, other than when their own children are threatened, females are rarely as self-sacrificial as males engaged in any team endeavor, all the way from football to war. Women may make limited sacrifices, e.g., for a war effort, but rarely do they risk life and limb as freely as most males do for any "cause they believe in."

In this latter regard, namely, external "causes," such as, impersonal principles, religious beliefs, political affiliations, winning games, or even in acquiring wealth, rare is the woman who will sacrifice her own interests as freely as any typical male.

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